Abuse or violence in a relationship is about a pattern of behaviour that
one
person uses against another to intimidate them and to get them to do what
they
want. Abuse is not just physical violence. Emotional or sexual abuse can
be just
as harmful as physical violence.
Sometimes people call this sort of abuse 'dating violence' or 'domestic
violence'.
Research shows that in relationships, males are most likely to be the abusers,
and
females are most likely to be the victims. Females can also be abusive,
in lesbian
and in straight relationships . In this information, we will be referring
to
male-to-female abuse in relationships, but the ideas are also relevant
to
relationships where it is females who are abusive.
Examples of these forms of abuse are:
Emotional Abuse
This is when your boyfriend or partner puts you down, ignores you or calls
you
names. It may be about what you are wearing, or how you're acting. He may
want
you to stop spending time with your friends and question you on every detail
of what
you've done without him. He may use jealousy or anger to intimidate you
or to
control your behaviour, or he might deliberately humiliate you in front
of others. He
might try to manipulate you and make you feel wrong, inadequate or like
you're
crazy. Another form of emotional abuse is when he threatens to hurt himself
or other
people if you break up with him. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging
as
physical abuse.
Physical Abuse
This involves physical acts such as hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking,
pulling your
hair or choking you, or threatening to harm you in any way. It could involve
using a
weapon or an object to threaten or hurt you, smashing things or driving
a car
dangerously to frighten you. Hurting someone physically or threatening
to hurt them
is a criminal offence.
Sexual Abuse
This involves pressuring or forcing you to do sexual things that you don't
want to do.
Even if your boyfriend has not physically forced you to have sex with him,
if he tried
to manipulate you or coerce you into having sex when you didn't want to
(like if he
says 'you'd do it if you really loved me' or 'you're frigid'), this is
still sexual abuse. It
is also sexual assault if you have been drinking or taking drugs or if
you were asleep
or unconscious and you were not aware of what was happening. Rape and other
forms of sexual assault are criminal offences.
What's Love got to do with it?
Many girls don't realise that their boyfriends behaviour is actually abusive,
or they
can't find a word for it. Sometimes they are convinced by their boyfriend
that his
jealous and possessive behaviour is because he loves them.
THIS KIND OF TREATMENT IS'NT LOVE; IT'S CONTROL!
This information came from a wonderful website
called "When Love Hurts - A guide
for girls, on love, respect and abuse in relationships". There is a tonne
of
information on domestic violence and abuse on this site. I have found
it very very
useful so....cheers to the webmistresses!!!! Click on the URL if you want
to check out
this site. http://home.vicenet.net.au/~girlsown